Torchwood - Lost Souls

Torchwood made its radio debut in ‘Lost Souls’, which centred itself around ‘Big Bang Day’ celebrating the launch of the CERN Large Hadron Collider. Jack, Gwen and Ianto are contacted by Martha Jones and fly out to Switzerland to investigate a number of mysterious disappearances around the CERN base, which UNIT are guarding.

John Barrowman, Eve Myles, Gareth David-Lloyd and Freema Agyeman all reprise their roles, along with guest stars Lucy Montgomery and Stephen Critchlow As a fan of BBC Radio 4 comedies, I was expecting some funny stuff from Lucy Montgomery, so I was surprised to hear her ‘playing it straight’ for once!

The audio could have easily made the transition to the television series and I think that’s my main gripe with it. I think audios should be different, the Big Finish Doctor Who plays are so far removed from the television series, which allows us more things to think about and visualise something different, which is the main appeal of audio stories. I just felt this episode tugged along like a normal Torchwood ‘filler’ episode and didn’t really achieve anything.

I also felt that the characters where introduced far too early, it was a case of, ‘let’s get the who’s who out of way quickly’. The constant referrals to the deaths of Tosh and Owen also got a little bit tedious, I think they are better dealt with in the TV version. I felt it lacked that little of bit extra substance that most audios, especially the Big Finish ones, have.

There are some good moments though. John Barrowman, in particular, is his usual cheeky self and it was nice to see Gareth David-Lloyd given a much larger role than his television incarnation. Although I still think that they’ve killed off the wrong male Torchwood member! It’s well worth a listen, just to experience Torchwood in another medium, if you’re a big fan, you’ll lap it up!

2.5/5

Originally broadcast on BBC Radio 4 on the 10th September, ‘Lost Souls’ is available now on CD or download from BBC Audiobooks. Apart from the story, the CD also contains interviews with the cast.

http://www.bbcshop.com/Science-Fiction/Torchwood-Lost-Souls/invt/9781405689441

Torchwood Series 2 Episode 13 - Exit Wounds

It was a decent enough ending to the series but, as always, it didn’t stop me having a few gripes with the story! This final episode sees the long-awaited introduction of Jack brother, Gray.

It seems however that Gray hasn’t forgiven his brother for losing his grip, during the flashbacks in ‘Adam’. In these, Jack and Gray’s home world was under attack from an ‘unknown alien race’ and as they where running away, Jack lost Gray’s grip and apparently, Gray spent most of his life imprisoned. Now, Gray has set a number of ‘traps’ around Cardiff to keep the team busy, whilst Captain John lures Jack back to the hub, where he and Gray take him prisoner. And speaking of even more prisoners, we learn that it is John, not Gray who is forced to work with the other.

Jack wakes up to find himself in Cardiff – in the year AD 27. Gray buries him as a ‘foundation stone’ and claims that Jack’s immortally is a ‘curse’ and that Jack will spend ‘every death thinking about what he has done’.

John suddenly has a change of heart, when he returns to the present and once he is free, he works with the Torchwood team, in order to bring down Gray’s reign of terror. Jack meanwhile is dug up by the Torchwood team of 1900 and asks them to freeze him because there are two of him, shagging around, in that time period.

Back to the future where Gray sets up a nuclear reactor to blow up and as Tosh tries to stop him – he shoots her. When Owen gets to the plant, he learns that he can stop the meltdown but at his own risk. Tosh, despite bleeding to death, helps him from the hub and after a tearful goodbye, they both die. The reactor room blows up with Owen inside it and Tosh dies in the arms of Jack, who has returned from the freezer. It’s a beautiful scene that would have had some fans crying.

Jack has one last showdown with Gray and as Gray refuses to forgive his brother, Jack drugs him and freezes him.

It’s a breathtaking episode that does have its questionable points. Tosh’s appearance in ‘Aliens of London’ was briefly explained, very poorly though. I also didn't understand Gray's motive, it seemed a little bit childish to me. If someone had made me lose my brother's grip and imprisoned me, I would want revenge on the ones who had chased me, not my brother. I thought that was the main reason that let the episode down.

8/10

Well it's goodbye Owen and Tosh, there is also no more Torchwood until 2009. Let’s hope the mini series, ‘Children of Earth’ will be the start of a new and improved era for Torchwood.

Torchwood Series 2 Episode 12 - Fragments

Well that was an episode worth watching! After weeks of writing critical reviews, I can finally praise the efforts of Torchwood.

The story sees the team (minus Gwen, who is being lazy and is in bed, still stuck to Rhys) being led into a building, which blows up and they get trapped under the rubble. We then get to see ‘flashbacks’ of how each of them joined Torchwood.

With Jack trying to position himself near ‘The Rift’, in order to meet The Doctor again, he gets stuck in the Victorian era and is reluctantly recruited by two very foxy ladies, who work for ‘Torchwood’. They notice his immortality and his constant mumblings of ‘The Doctor’ and task him with finding him. Jack initially refuses, as Torchwood are after The Doctor but after a chance meeting with the fortune teller, known as the ‘scary little girl’ (from ‘Dead Man Walking’), he is told that he will meet The Doctor in 100 years. Jack goes back to Torchwood and reluctantly takes the job. Let the shagging begin! Things take a wrong turn for Jack however, when in 1999 a member of his team goes bananas and shoots all the team and himself dead, in the belief that the 21st Century will be ‘the end of everything’. So Jack must now recruit a new team….

Tosh is next and after she is blackmailed into getting some plans for a sonic device, she is nicked by UNIT and placed into somewhere that all prisons should be like. Jack comes to the rescue by employing her on the basis of her ‘quick learner’ ability and the fact she can delete all cookies from a computer!

Ianto’s story is crap. After the events of the Doctor Who episode ‘Doomsday’, he is out of work and heads to Cardiff and stalks Jack until he gives him a job. But it’s Owen’s story that is truly great and heartbreaking at the same time. He is engaged to Katie, who is believed to be suffering from Alzheimer's Disease. Owen pleads with his hospital colleagues to scan her brain, again and they find what seems to be a tumour. It isn’t – it’s an alien parasite that kills her and all the surgeons in the operating theatre. And as Jack gets involved, Owen tries but fails to get any information out of him and Jack covers it all up. Until Katie’s funeral that is, when Jack tells all and offers Owen a job. It’s brilliantly acted and gives us some insight into why Owen’s charter is such a ‘bastard’!

Meanwhile Gwen and Rhys arrive at the building and free the team. But someone is waiting for them, it’s a Captain John hologram and it seems he’s got Jack’s brother Gray. John threatens to ‘tear Jack’s world apart’. Should be fun next week, eh?

An excellent episode, let down only by Ianto’s story. Beautifully acted, written and we even got to some girl-on-girl, which evens up for all the Jack/Ianto ‘moments’!

9/10

Next Time: Lots of things get blown up – Jack’s jealous!

Torchwood Series 2 Episode 11 - Adrift

When I didn’t think it could get any worse, Torchwood proves me wrong yet again! After a cameo by ‘Papa Lazarou’ last week, this week we have ‘Sloth’ from The Goonies!

I suppose ‘Adrift’ is supposed to tug on your heartstrings – it tug my patience! So when a young lad, Jonah, disappears as a result of ‘rift activity’. Seven months later, he is back but he’s has severely aged, his looks have gone the way of John Merrick and he is locked in a ‘hospital’ ran by some strange nurses and Jack is reluctant to tell Gwen about it.

In fact plenty of people have gone the same way and everyone but Gwen seems to know. As an ex-police officer – she has to investigate. Enter the excellent Tom Price as ‘PC Andy’, a character that should be in Torchwood a lot more!

So with Gwen doing the woman’s thing, setting up support groups for parents who have had children go missing, Jack is burrowing himself into Ianto. Ruth Jones guest stars as Jonah’s mum and her performance is, at times, a bit OTT. Stick to comedy, love!

The plot is so ridiculous, I can’t be arsed going into it. Needless to say a possible reference to The Doctor is made, as Jonah was rescued from a ‘burning planet and taken into a rescue craft’. The rest is about how Mum wants to keep Sloth but he’s a bit ‘round the twist’ so he has to stay in the hospital. Marvellous eh?

2/10

Next Week: We are coming to the end, so will the last two episodes be the saving grace of the series? I hope so but the way things have been going - I very much doubt it!

Torchwood Series 2 Episode 10 - From Out Of The Rain

You know what? I’m getting sick of writing negative reviews for Torchwood. My range of insults need a rest sometime but they are unlikely to if they keep producing stories like ‘From Out Of The Rain’.

It’s a bit of ‘Last Action Hero’ and ‘The League of Gentlemen’ but set in Wales – and you thought Royston Vasey was weird! On paper, it’s a great idea but sadly it doesn’t come off.

They try to do ‘Gothic Horror’ but it comes out all American-ized and dull - much like Buffy. Next we’ll be having singing vampires, with rubbish southern accents, who fall in love with school girls! Torchwood doesn’t need to rip off other shows it should attempt to forge its own style. This series as been almost a ‘who’s of who’ of programmes that have been ripped off, or ‘influenced by’ as the writers put it!

After some old film cans are found at a cinema, the characters, namely a ‘ghostmaker’ and his assistant come to life and ‘half-kill’ people by taking their ‘breath’. Of course when the ghostmaker, or 'Papa Lazarou' as I call him, tries to take Owen’s breath - he can’t. Yet Owen still goes around talking - I’m not going to let this go you know!

Of course Jack was involved with this Circus, somewhere down the line as ‘The Man Who Couldn’t Die. I’m sure one viewing of this episode would kill him off once and for all! The episode threatens to go into an ‘older kiddies’ type of mystery and the resolution of the plot is straight out of ‘Goosebumps’!

It’s camp, over the top and a huge let down. Thankfully it’s nearly the end of the series!

3/10

Next Week: More ‘fun’ as Gwen finds herself playing ‘Strip Twister’ with the pizza boy from the first episode of series 1. Spotty freak!

Torchwood Series 2 Episode 9 - Something Borrowed

So Rhys will finally make a (dis) honest woman out of Gwen but will she ever get to the church? After a typically boozy night out in Cardiff, she wakes up in the morning and finds herself pregnant - eight months pregnant! Don’t worry though, she can explain it – it ‘came’ from an alien bite! Hmmm better tell people its Rhys’s, instead!

As they try to hide it (!) she insists she wants to go through with the wedding and we get to meet one of Rhys's mates – a bloke called ‘Banana Boat’. This weird bloke is soon put in his place by Tosh, so the story isn’t affected by smatterings of ‘brainless ponce’, throughout!

We learn that a shape-shifting alien, a Nostrovite, is after the ‘baby’ inside Gwen. I think this is possibly one of the best ideas, for a monster, that Torchwood has come up with. Simply because you don’t know who the alien is and it could change at any minute! Simple but that’s Torchwood!

The episode is more of a comic one and I think it benefits from that. Torchwood has been grim and sad – like Eastenders, so it’s nice to see them have some fun! We even get to meet the parents of Gwen and Rhys! Owen takes a backseat this week but whips out an improved version of his ‘invention’, the ‘singularity scalpel’, seen in ‘Reset’ but it’s Rhys who saves the day and everything, typically, turns out fine. There’s even time for one more laugh, as Jack retcon's all the wedding guests!

Credit to Kai Owen (Rhys) who was finally given a bigger role than being ‘the typical man’, his performance in this episode and ‘Meat’ have certainly shown that there is a point to his character!

8/10

Next Week: The circus comes to town! I wonder if Jack and Ianto will ride the haunted-alien-monster infected-Welsh, Love Boat?

Torchwood Series 2 Episode 8 - A Day In The Death

Richard Briers guest stats in this weeks circus, the man who is known to Doctor Who fans for playing one of the shows most memorable roles in ‘Paradise Towers’. When I say memorable I’m referring to the ridiculous role he had to play in parts 3 & 4 as a ‘possessed corpse’, up until then he was good!

But back to Torchwood, where this week Owen is still dead. While he is sat on the top of building, talking to a suicidal women, we get to see the softer side of him. We learn in flashbacks, that Owen goes on an undercover mission to investigate a number of high energy readings, coming from the estate of Henry Parker (Briers).

It starts off particularly well but doesn’t really go anywhere. Owen is trying to persuade the girl (who we learn was in a car crash that killed her husband – just after their wedding) not to jump, whilst telling her he’s dead. I would have jumped, to be honest!

With Owen promoted from making crap coffee, he sneaks into the old man’s grounds, past the heat sensors (he’s dead, remember!) and as an altercation with a security guard – despite Martha telling him not to because he can’t heal. It’s all very Scooby Doo, as he opens the creaking door to the old man’s bedroom. We learn that Henry is a collector of alien artefacts but is seriously ill. He believes that an alien device – the pulse, is keeping him alive. It isn’t and as Owen explains this, the senile old git has a heart attack and dies. Owen tries in vain to save him but realises his CPR isn’t any help – he can’t breathe!

Which brings me to believe that the writers have seriously dropped a bollock - how can Owen talk? If he’s dead and can’t breathe, how can he have a voice? I would love them to try and explain this one!

It’s a better effort than last weeks, the moments on the roof with the girl were very touching but I felt this new ‘bond’ between Owen and Tosh is very forced and the episode as an whole was just too simple. Martha also bows out of Torchwood and returns to UNIT. But not before giving Jack a very awkward kiss (why?) and leaving us with this thought: Apart from ‘Reset’ what was the point in using her? She was hardly in this episode!

6/10

Next Week: Gwen is getting married but what will be her ‘Something Borrowed’? A new groom perhaps?

Torchwood Series 2 Episode 7 - Dead Man Walking

After the highs of last week, we are once again brought back to earth with a big bump. After instigating the perfect exit for Owen, they had to spoil it by bringing him back to life.

But he isn’t alive, he’s dead but yet he’s walking about. Oooh this is confusing! Fair play to the director, Andy Goodard, for trying his best but he was let down by the pen of Matt Jones. It was a story that wasn’t needed and would have been better if they just cried over Owen for 45 minutes.

So with Owen dead, the team struggle to find out what’s going on. He can’t eat, drink or shag anything, not even Jack! It’s all very sad, the obligatory scary little girl pops up, Owen becomes the ‘King of the Weevils’ (which hasn’t got anything to do with his Weevil bite from series 1 – maybe!) then he fights the Grim Reaper. If this wasn’t shot in live action, I swear it’s a cartoon!

The acting, at times, is the programmes saving grace. Despite working with a ridiculous plot, Burn Gorman was terrific as the very unlikeable Owen and really deserves better than starring in this and a few episodes of Eastenders! Another aspect I do love about this story was the music, once again – take a bow Mr Murray Gold and his team!

It is really disappointing when they pull off a story like ‘Reset’ but follow it up with a very poor ‘sequel’. Don’t forget Martha was in this story too, although you wouldn’t have guessed. If there was an Olympic event for learning everything medical within a year, she would win platinum, never mind gold! Again, its one of many plot holes that I’m simply pissed off with and sick of ranting about it. She looks quite fit when she ‘aged’ though!

I’ve been asked ‘Why do I watch Torchwood, if I hate it?’ I don’t hate it, the writers are capable of pulling off some very good stories, and it’s a shame they have to fill the rest of the series with pointless, plot-dragging stories like this. Hope it gets better!

5/10

Next Week: Will Owen die? Will Jack have his wicked way with Martha? I don’t give a toss either way!

Doctor Who Series 4 Episode 12 - The Stolen Earth

Wow! Just Wow! I was not expecting that! With all the attention on the Daleks and Davros, we never expected the cliffhanger at the end. But more about that later!

From start to finish, this episode was just marvellous! We had a Who’s who of er Doctor Who! Rose, Martha, Sarah Jane, Jack, Gwen, Ianto, Luke, Francine, Mr Smith and even Harriett Jones! But it was Davros that was the main sticking point, at least during the episode.

He was done very well. Now played by Julian Bleach (the ‘Ghostmaker’ in Torchwood), Davros was terrifying as ever. The Daleks also got a chance to impress and really showed what they can do. Their last few episodes, just haven’t done them justice.

With the Earth being moved to the much-mentioned ‘Medusa Cascade’, with many other ‘stolen’ planets. The Doctor’s ‘secret army’ took up arms, pulled together by Harriett Jones (former Prime Minister). While The Doctor and Donna buggered off to the Shadow Proclamation, Bernard Cribbins, once again, stole the show! Whilst he was the most humorous of the lot, the rest of cast showed their great acting ability as well.

The Shadow Proclamation is a group of ‘outer space policeman’ with the Judoon, seemingly, being employed by them. Despite many people’s gripes, I thought it looked very good and no expense was spared.

There are decent nods to new and classic episodes. Mr Copper (from The Voyage of the Damned’) gets a mention, as does Clom and Calaufax (from ‘The Pirate Planet’). Also there are nods to other members of the Torchwood and Sarah Jane shows.

With all those ingredients, this episode could have been an absolute mess. It wasn’t, it was fantastic and easily one of the best, if not the best, episode of ‘new’ Doctor Who. The acting and the effects were just the tip of the iceberg.

When The Doctor finally gets inside the pocket universe, he gets into contact with all his friends and then Davros flickers onto the screen. We could have been in 1975, the terrifying voice and features would be giving kids nightmares for days! And that was just Ianto!

Then the ending! After landing, The Doctor sees Rose and as they run towards each other, a dalek comes around the corner and shoots The Doctor with a glancing shot. Jack appears and takes out the dalek, but it’s too late. As The Doctor is taken into the TARDIS, he regenerates – or does he? We don’t know until next week, because a rather camp TO BE COUNTIUED appeared on the screen. I’m sure many people screamed at the telly like I did!

Is he regenerating? I don’t know, I suspect not but who knows! It’s certainly going to be one long week. My head hurts now!

10/10

Next Week: Thousands of fangirls and boys shed tears as David Tennant DOES regenerate (maybe!)

'Journey's End' Trailer



The Doctor 'Regenerating'

I'm Back!

That’s right folks get set for a new season of thrills and spills! Maybe not, but the reason for my recent sabbatical? I wish I could say that I was imprisoned in a divergent universe, infected with Anti Time and living in sin with Ruth Kelly. But no I haven’t! I’ve had a lot of things that just got into the way, so I couldn’t be arsed!

Anyway, with Doctor Who making its comeback next week, I’ll be putting up my review of the last Primeval, Torchwood and Ashes To Ashes episodes, when I can! I haven’t seen an episode of Lost since my last blog, so they are (sort of) up to date!

Cheers and please leave a comment, so I know I’m not writing this shite for nothing!

Torchwood Series 2 Episode 6 - Reset

The time has finally arrived, Martha Jones makes her first appearance in Torchwood – and its okay, not brilliant but okay!

‘Jim Robinson’ pops up speaking in a yank accent, (not sure what that’s all about, what’s wrong with his normal (Kiwi) accent?) playing a Doctor who is experimenting with alien lava, which is able to cure a number of diseases. The catch is that all the patients die a horrible death, although somehow I don’t think they know this!

Enter Martha, who now works for UNIT. Ah, those where the days! Jon Pertwee in his velvet jackets, drinking wine and constantly clashing with the Brigadier. While we are on this subject may I just remind RTD and his team of writers that THE UNIT SOILDERS DID NOT WEAR A RED CAP/BERET. It seems with the trailers for series 4 and Jack’s pining for ‘a bloke in a rap cap’, suggests that UNIT have changed.

Anyway back to the episode, where Martha somehow becomes qualified in most areas of healthcare, in just a matter of months. The team eventually find the place where all this stuff has been ‘going down’. Without going into any lewd sex jokes (as if I would!), Martha, goes down ‘undercover’ to investigate.

Eventually the team break in and they find out that a number of aliens have been kept prisoner at the lab and Jim Robinson as been ‘doing things’ to them (I’m no good at not doing a sex gag!). Oh and Martha gets infected with the lava thing, it doesn’t really matter because she’s fine! Owen isn’t, as Jim Robinson shoots him. Did I say don’t read this, if you’ve not seen it? Whoops, never mind!

This episode is slightly better than previous weeks, any more ‘To The Last Man’ and ‘Meat’ would have me writing a very stern letter to ‘Points of View’ to ask why the BBC are wasting money on this rather than let certain BBC executives have that extra car. It’s a mad, mad world! It was a decent story but it stank of ‘political correctness’, I mean that Weevil could have murdered innocent people!

8/10

Next Week: Jack bumps into a gay weevil and invites him to his caravan in Newport.

Torchwood Series 2 Episode 5 - Adam

I’m racking my brains to try to find an insult for this episode but I can’t – it was marvellous! That’s right, I loved it! Even though I wanted to smash Adam’s face in, I thought it was a thoroughly, well written and acted episode.

A bloke called ‘Adam’ (the ‘ginger infiltrator’) gets into Torchwood and modifies the memories of the team to make them think he’s been there for a year. He even ‘memory rape’s’ Tosh (can I use that term? Oh sod it, I just did!) We see Jack’s past, growing up on what looked like Blackpool beach but without the blood, guts and sewage. We learn ‘Gray’ (or Grey?) is Jack’s younger brother and was ‘lost’ when Jack’s homeland was attacked by an ‘unidentified aliens’.

Gwen forgets all about Rhys and nearly destroys the whole show by almost shooting him. You can’t afford to get rid of your best actors, love! Owen is a likeable geek, who is deeply in love with Tosh, who has turned into a confident er woman. Thankfully, she is put in her place later, like all women should be!*

Ianto thinks he’s murderer and to be fair it suits him more than the ‘comic’ role he’s been playing this series. Eventfully Jack susses the ginger infiltrator and before you know it, everyone’s ‘doing pills’ (well its Retcon but….) and Adam is fading away, much like the ‘career’ of Britney Spears.

Top episode, I’m not giving it full marks, because I have faith that there’ll be an episode of ‘End of Days’ portions!

9/10

* If this will get no ladies writing in, nothing will!

Next Week: I forget that I’ve seen the next episode – Reset and watch it again on BBC Two. Then I write another review and label it as ‘more shite than the contents of Pires Morgan’s mouth’. Or Bob the Builder, the bastard!

Torchwood Series 2 Episode 4 - Meat

After I ‘panned’ last week’s episode, surely this week’s couldn’t be any worse? No it wasn’t, but I was tempted!

I almost dismissed the story before it started. The episode was called ‘Meat’ and it was about ‘Alien Meat’! Ok I watched it and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would have been.

Gwen’s boyfriend Rhys, works for a Haulage firm and when one of their drivers dies in a car crash, he’s called down to talk to the police, then Torchwood turn up.

The meat (in the back of the truck) wasn’t from a recognised animal, but it had an (forged) authentication stamp. So while the team are pissing about, eating pizza, Rhys does some proper detective work and visits the location the deceased driver had been to.

Ran by a few rapscallions, who looked about as viscous as slug smoking Caribbean woodbines, the warehouse held an alien creature that can only be described as a ‘big blob thing’! Seriously, the term ‘cash cow’ doesn’t come into it! So anyway, Rhys confronts Gwen and he’s taken to Torchwood and a few camp mannerisms later, he drives the team to the warehouse.

Once inside, they (eventually) get the better of the men, Rhys gets shot and they all get upset because the ‘big blob thing’ dies. Its hardly got the feeling of ‘Lawrence of Arabia’, but this is Torchwood, so it’ll do!

Without the bigger role of Rhys (and to some extent, the ever improving Ianto), this episode would have been terrible. Now that Gwen has refused to give him any Retcon (which makes you forget, just like a few cans of ‘good shit’!), he now knows all about Torchwood and aliens. Which is pretty confusing, considering London has been invaded by aliens in the last few years of Doctor Who.

7/10

Next Week: Jack gets locked in a toilet in a Cardiff library. You can imagine what happens next…

Torchwood Series 2 Episode 3 - To The Last Man

Just when I thought Torchwood was getting better, it brings me back down to earth (or should that be Cardiff?) with a loud thump.

However ‘To The Last Man’ started off well enough. The basic plot was about how a hospital in 1918 was merging with the present day, we even got to see ‘Torchwood 1918’, for a few pitiful moments.

Then it all went tits up. A young solider named ‘Tommy’ was frozen by the 1918 team. Unfortunately he was no pinball wizard, nor was he deaf, nor blind, but he certainly was dumb! He had to be ‘woke up’ every year, in the hope that the time was right to return him to his own time.

Tosh forgets all about her lesbian tendencies and falls for Tommy, who like any young man, is ‘in there’ quicker than John Prescott at a ‘hitting a Welshman contest’. Meanwhile Jack and Ianto are doing yet more gay snogging in a scene that was more pointless than a totally straight man in Torchwood!

I’m really having trouble typing about this. It can be too easy at times to rip apart a Torchwood story but this is so bad, I’m struggling! Sorry Helen Raynor, but after such a promising start to the episode, it nose-dived like Kerry Katona ‘doing a line’, too much for me!

To finish, lets just say the team found out what was happening and Tommy returned to his own time, the world (Cardiff) was saved (but he was eventually shot for cowardice) and Tosh is back fancying women (okay I made that last one up!).

I feel that the episode would have been a lot better if we saw more of ‘Torchwood 1918’. It also badly needed that injection of action and the odd ‘jumpy’ moment, that is why I loved last week’s episode so much! The story had the right idea but it’s a shame that it ran out after 10 minutes!

Just typing about this as made me put it down a mark! Hopefully this is the low point of the series. With that in mind, roll on next week, where we have er alien meat, in an episode called ‘Meat’. Oh no, here we go again!

4/10

Next Week: Gwen's boyfriend leaves her and shacks up in Cardiff Castle with Mel Bush and the Kandyman of 'The Happiness Patrol' fame.

Torchwood Series 2 Episode 2 - Sleeper

Well, that’s better! None of the team tried to sleep with anything this week, (okay Owen panicked for a second!) AND we had a decent story, for once!

The story begins with a ‘run-of-the-mill mass murder’, after thieves broke into a house. Sadly for them, one of the occupants was an alien ‘sleeper cell’ and they were killed, quite horribly! To make it worse, it was a woman! (If no women write in now, they never will!)

So the team, quite literally, nick the woman and before you can say ‘Ow! That hurts!’ she is being probed as badly as an illegal immigrant! And like a probe into an illegal immigrant, she (or to be fair, her ‘alien’ part) fools the team and escapes the hub and before you know it, other sleeper cells are causing havoc in Cardiff city centre. Much like a normal Saturday night, to be fair!

The acting seems to have gone up a notch, again, although I’m not too sure on Ianto trying to be funny. Just make the tea! The effects were better, the explosions made me jump! Not too sure on the ‘Terminator 2’ rip-off, nor the baby ‘killing’ but it is (supposed) to be science fiction!

Overall a big improvement on the ‘buddy’ episode that was ‘Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang’, although something original won’t go a miss! With the remaining ‘sleeper cells’ still out there, I’m sure they’ll be back, which is fine by me. Anything but pointless shagging scenes!

9/10

Next Week: I watch the next episode with a magnifying glass, as I see if Jack still has the hole in his coat, where the male sleeper cell stabbed him!

Torchwood Series 2 Episode 1 - Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang

Torchwood’s back! And oh no, there’s a fish driving a sports car! Are we in for yet more disappointing rubbish? Not quite.

James Marsters (aka Spike from Buffy) dons a dodgy accent, which ranges from West Midlands to London and also, a quite striking cowboy 'getup'! Is RTD a fan of Brokeback ‘the film which destroyed the whole genre of westerns and John Wayne is quite possibly rolling around, in his grave’ Mountain, then?

Despite this, the episode is pretty good. Not the best, in my opinion, ‘Random Shoes’ is still my fave but it’s still a cracking start to the series!

Captain John Hart (Marsters) is an old time agent buddy of Captain Jack and as soon as they clasp eyes on each other, RTD gets hot flushes and you know what happens next! I’m not even going into the ‘gay agenda’, which RTD is preaching, I just want to say ‘I was never confused!’

The plot itself, is a little predictable. Captain John is looking for a few canisters that would lead him to some diamond. It’s hardly got the twists and turns of an episode of The Professionals! Ultimately, he fails, goes back with his tail between his legs but he has one parting shot for his former ‘lover’, ‘I found Grey’. Who or what is ‘Grey’ (or Gray?) is unknown, but it’s already built up wild speculation on the net! Or maybe not.

The special effects seem to have gone up a notch too, so as the acting! The bloke who plays Ianto ‘The Tea Boy’ looked like he deserved his Equity card, for once! The bird who plays Gwen, looked very pretty, for once and Owen got shot!

Overall, a great start. Plenty to keep you entertained, if you’re a gay (or a closet gay) you’ll love it!

8/10

Coming Next Week – Jack and Ianto go on their ‘date’ to Pizza Hut but some annoying 8-year calls them gays and Ianto runs off crying. Jack tries to ‘console’ him but fails, Ianto opens the rift and the world is on its knees. All through a snotty-nosed little kid.

TORCHWOOD

TORCHWOOD

Start Date: Wednesday 16th January 2008, 9PM
Channel: BBC2

Captain Jack and his randy Welsh alien hunters are back! After a so-so first series, can Russell T Davies up the ante?

I hope so, there as been a mini-revival of British sc-fi programmes, since the success of Doctor Who and long may it continue.

After leaving the Doctor at Cardiff Bay, Captain Jack returns to Torchwood and apparently, they are not too happy to see him.

The first episode entitled ‘Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang’ as been used so many times, will this continue the RTD’s trend of ripping off things? Buffy’s James Masters (Spike) will be in this episode, play (surprise, surprise) Jack’s love interest.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to RTD for bringing back Doctor Who but he constantly stamps his own personality on the show. I gather that he thinks ‘its either my way, or no way at all.’ Torchwood is supposed to be an adult themed show. Ok fair enough, but do we need to see so many gay love interest and PC nonsense in the series?

Martha Jones, fresh from her constant moaning onboard the TARDIS (only joking Martha, love, your a 1000’s times better than Rose!), will be joining the team for a couple of episodes. She should add er something to the team!

This year, there will be an edited pre-watershed version. Methinks this could be for three reason. 1. Its so the kids can watch it. 2. Its so the Americans can watch it, without being shocked at bad language on telly. 3. There’ll be a crossover with Doctor Who, so 1 & 2 will come into play as well!

What To Look Forward To: Hopefully, better stories and a bit more about Captain Jack and 'his missing years'

What NOT To Look Forward To: More crap, camp aliens who make Jar-Jar Binks look like a spiffing gentlmen, smoking his pipe in the golf club on Sunday afternoons.

2008 - A Good Year For Sc-Fi?

Hello everybody and welcome to my blog. If you’re easily offended or have no sense of humour whatsoever, please don’t read this blog! I’ll be banging on about the latest happenings in British sc-fi and abroad. Mainly I’m going to be on about Doctor Who and its (pointless) spin-offs but I will also be covering other various media!

Well it’s a new year and it’s jam-packed with sc-fi! First off, this Saturday, we have the return of Primeval on ITV1, then next week we have the return of Captain Jack in Torchwood, this time exclusively on BBC2. Lost is back soon I believe Doctor Who, series 4 will be aired around March/April. Heroes should be back soon as well, the second part of series 2 will be on in America but because of the writers strike, its unknown exactly when it’ll be on. Series 2 (part 1) will be on BBC2 in the autumn. Gene Hunt and the team (minus Sam and Annie and plus some bird called ‘Alex’) are back in the ‘Life on Mars’ spin-off, Ashes To Ashes, in February. Finally, the kids will be happy that, The Sarah Jane Adventures, will be returning too!

So this is me, looking forward to ‘what’s on’ in 2008!