When I didn’t think it could get any worse, Torchwood proves me wrong yet again! After a cameo by ‘Papa Lazarou’ last week, this week we have ‘Sloth’ from The Goonies!
I suppose ‘Adrift’ is supposed to tug on your heartstrings – it tug my patience! So when a young lad, Jonah, disappears as a result of ‘rift activity’. Seven months later, he is back but he’s has severely aged, his looks have gone the way of John Merrick and he is locked in a ‘hospital’ ran by some strange nurses and Jack is reluctant to tell Gwen about it.
In fact plenty of people have gone the same way and everyone but Gwen seems to know. As an ex-police officer – she has to investigate. Enter the excellent Tom Price as ‘PC Andy’, a character that should be in Torchwood a lot more!
So with Gwen doing the woman’s thing, setting up support groups for parents who have had children go missing, Jack is burrowing himself into Ianto. Ruth Jones guest stars as Jonah’s mum and her performance is, at times, a bit OTT. Stick to comedy, love!
The plot is so ridiculous, I can’t be arsed going into it. Needless to say a possible reference to The Doctor is made, as Jonah was rescued from a ‘burning planet and taken into a rescue craft’. The rest is about how Mum wants to keep Sloth but he’s a bit ‘round the twist’ so he has to stay in the hospital. Marvellous eh?
2/10
Next Week: We are coming to the end, so will the last two episodes be the saving grace of the series? I hope so but the way things have been going - I very much doubt it!
Sunday, 14 September 2008
Saturday, 13 September 2008
Torchwood Series 2 Episode 10 - From Out Of The Rain
You know what? I’m getting sick of writing negative reviews for Torchwood. My range of insults need a rest sometime but they are unlikely to if they keep producing stories like ‘From Out Of The Rain’.
It’s a bit of ‘Last Action Hero’ and ‘The League of Gentlemen’ but set in Wales – and you thought Royston Vasey was weird! On paper, it’s a great idea but sadly it doesn’t come off.
They try to do ‘Gothic Horror’ but it comes out all American-ized and dull - much like Buffy. Next we’ll be having singing vampires, with rubbish southern accents, who fall in love with school girls! Torchwood doesn’t need to rip off other shows it should attempt to forge its own style. This series as been almost a ‘who’s of who’ of programmes that have been ripped off, or ‘influenced by’ as the writers put it!
After some old film cans are found at a cinema, the characters, namely a ‘ghostmaker’ and his assistant come to life and ‘half-kill’ people by taking their ‘breath’. Of course when the ghostmaker, or 'Papa Lazarou' as I call him, tries to take Owen’s breath - he can’t. Yet Owen still goes around talking - I’m not going to let this go you know!
Of course Jack was involved with this Circus, somewhere down the line as ‘The Man Who Couldn’t Die. I’m sure one viewing of this episode would kill him off once and for all! The episode threatens to go into an ‘older kiddies’ type of mystery and the resolution of the plot is straight out of ‘Goosebumps’!
It’s camp, over the top and a huge let down. Thankfully it’s nearly the end of the series!
3/10
Next Week: More ‘fun’ as Gwen finds herself playing ‘Strip Twister’ with the pizza boy from the first episode of series 1. Spotty freak!
It’s a bit of ‘Last Action Hero’ and ‘The League of Gentlemen’ but set in Wales – and you thought Royston Vasey was weird! On paper, it’s a great idea but sadly it doesn’t come off.
They try to do ‘Gothic Horror’ but it comes out all American-ized and dull - much like Buffy. Next we’ll be having singing vampires, with rubbish southern accents, who fall in love with school girls! Torchwood doesn’t need to rip off other shows it should attempt to forge its own style. This series as been almost a ‘who’s of who’ of programmes that have been ripped off, or ‘influenced by’ as the writers put it!
After some old film cans are found at a cinema, the characters, namely a ‘ghostmaker’ and his assistant come to life and ‘half-kill’ people by taking their ‘breath’. Of course when the ghostmaker, or 'Papa Lazarou' as I call him, tries to take Owen’s breath - he can’t. Yet Owen still goes around talking - I’m not going to let this go you know!
Of course Jack was involved with this Circus, somewhere down the line as ‘The Man Who Couldn’t Die. I’m sure one viewing of this episode would kill him off once and for all! The episode threatens to go into an ‘older kiddies’ type of mystery and the resolution of the plot is straight out of ‘Goosebumps’!
It’s camp, over the top and a huge let down. Thankfully it’s nearly the end of the series!
3/10
Next Week: More ‘fun’ as Gwen finds herself playing ‘Strip Twister’ with the pizza boy from the first episode of series 1. Spotty freak!
Friday, 12 September 2008
Bernice Summerfield 9.2 - The Adolescence Of Time
After a long delay in post-production from Big Finish, we finally get the chance to listen to ‘The Adolescence of Time’.It’s a story with a twist as Benny hardly features so her son Peter takes the starring role. Thomas Grant is great as the young Kiloran but it was perhaps too early for him to have a solo role. Going back to the ‘End of the World’ where Jason Kane had a solo story, we were used to his character as he had been a regular seen the first series. This worked well and that is one of my favourite Benny audios, in fact that series as a whole, worked really well. In this story, I just felt we didn’t really have much to ‘hang on to’ in respect of Peter.
There are some nice touches though and everything seems neat and tidy. Peter finds a time ring and is transported to a world where prehistoric animals still roam and someone wants to capture Peter for ‘The Worm’ but he’s far too busy trying to rescue colonies of Pterodactylsl-type creatures, which are based on standalone rocks – in the sky! It’s a stunning thought and I thought Lisa Bowerman’s direction worked well.
I did feel however that the story lacked the ‘feel’ we’ve become used to with Benny audios. Whilst this new music, production and everything else is good it’s something which is far withdrawn from early Benny audios, which really got me hooked on the sexy-27th Century archaeologist! It’s perhaps something we’ll have to get used to, as this era of Benny audios continues and Peter’s character continues to develop.
2.5/5
Next Time: Benny is back on Earth – in Victorian times – in 'The Adventure of the Diogenes Damsel'
Thursday, 11 September 2008
Torchwood Series 2 Episode 9 - Something Borrowed
So Rhys will finally make a (dis) honest woman out of Gwen but will she ever get to the church? After a typically boozy night out in Cardiff, she wakes up in the morning and finds herself pregnant - eight months pregnant! Don’t worry though, she can explain it – it ‘came’ from an alien bite! Hmmm better tell people its Rhys’s, instead!
As they try to hide it (!) she insists she wants to go through with the wedding and we get to meet one of Rhys's mates – a bloke called ‘Banana Boat’. This weird bloke is soon put in his place by Tosh, so the story isn’t affected by smatterings of ‘brainless ponce’, throughout!
We learn that a shape-shifting alien, a Nostrovite, is after the ‘baby’ inside Gwen. I think this is possibly one of the best ideas, for a monster, that Torchwood has come up with. Simply because you don’t know who the alien is and it could change at any minute! Simple but that’s Torchwood!
The episode is more of a comic one and I think it benefits from that. Torchwood has been grim and sad – like Eastenders, so it’s nice to see them have some fun! We even get to meet the parents of Gwen and Rhys! Owen takes a backseat this week but whips out an improved version of his ‘invention’, the ‘singularity scalpel’, seen in ‘Reset’ but it’s Rhys who saves the day and everything, typically, turns out fine. There’s even time for one more laugh, as Jack retcon's all the wedding guests!
Credit to Kai Owen (Rhys) who was finally given a bigger role than being ‘the typical man’, his performance in this episode and ‘Meat’ have certainly shown that there is a point to his character!
8/10
Next Week: The circus comes to town! I wonder if Jack and Ianto will ride the haunted-alien-monster infected-Welsh, Love Boat?
As they try to hide it (!) she insists she wants to go through with the wedding and we get to meet one of Rhys's mates – a bloke called ‘Banana Boat’. This weird bloke is soon put in his place by Tosh, so the story isn’t affected by smatterings of ‘brainless ponce’, throughout!
We learn that a shape-shifting alien, a Nostrovite, is after the ‘baby’ inside Gwen. I think this is possibly one of the best ideas, for a monster, that Torchwood has come up with. Simply because you don’t know who the alien is and it could change at any minute! Simple but that’s Torchwood!
The episode is more of a comic one and I think it benefits from that. Torchwood has been grim and sad – like Eastenders, so it’s nice to see them have some fun! We even get to meet the parents of Gwen and Rhys! Owen takes a backseat this week but whips out an improved version of his ‘invention’, the ‘singularity scalpel’, seen in ‘Reset’ but it’s Rhys who saves the day and everything, typically, turns out fine. There’s even time for one more laugh, as Jack retcon's all the wedding guests!
Credit to Kai Owen (Rhys) who was finally given a bigger role than being ‘the typical man’, his performance in this episode and ‘Meat’ have certainly shown that there is a point to his character!
8/10
Next Week: The circus comes to town! I wonder if Jack and Ianto will ride the haunted-alien-monster infected-Welsh, Love Boat?
Tuesday, 9 September 2008
Torchwood Series 2 Episode 8 - A Day In The Death
Richard Briers guest stats in this weeks circus, the man who is known to Doctor Who fans for playing one of the shows most memorable roles in ‘Paradise Towers’. When I say memorable I’m referring to the ridiculous role he had to play in parts 3 & 4 as a ‘possessed corpse’, up until then he was good!
But back to Torchwood, where this week Owen is still dead. While he is sat on the top of building, talking to a suicidal women, we get to see the softer side of him. We learn in flashbacks, that Owen goes on an undercover mission to investigate a number of high energy readings, coming from the estate of Henry Parker (Briers).
It starts off particularly well but doesn’t really go anywhere. Owen is trying to persuade the girl (who we learn was in a car crash that killed her husband – just after their wedding) not to jump, whilst telling her he’s dead. I would have jumped, to be honest!
With Owen promoted from making crap coffee, he sneaks into the old man’s grounds, past the heat sensors (he’s dead, remember!) and as an altercation with a security guard – despite Martha telling him not to because he can’t heal. It’s all very Scooby Doo, as he opens the creaking door to the old man’s bedroom. We learn that Henry is a collector of alien artefacts but is seriously ill. He believes that an alien device – the pulse, is keeping him alive. It isn’t and as Owen explains this, the senile old git has a heart attack and dies. Owen tries in vain to save him but realises his CPR isn’t any help – he can’t breathe!
Which brings me to believe that the writers have seriously dropped a bollock - how can Owen talk? If he’s dead and can’t breathe, how can he have a voice? I would love them to try and explain this one!
It’s a better effort than last weeks, the moments on the roof with the girl were very touching but I felt this new ‘bond’ between Owen and Tosh is very forced and the episode as an whole was just too simple. Martha also bows out of Torchwood and returns to UNIT. But not before giving Jack a very awkward kiss (why?) and leaving us with this thought: Apart from ‘Reset’ what was the point in using her? She was hardly in this episode!
6/10
Next Week: Gwen is getting married but what will be her ‘Something Borrowed’? A new groom perhaps?
But back to Torchwood, where this week Owen is still dead. While he is sat on the top of building, talking to a suicidal women, we get to see the softer side of him. We learn in flashbacks, that Owen goes on an undercover mission to investigate a number of high energy readings, coming from the estate of Henry Parker (Briers).
It starts off particularly well but doesn’t really go anywhere. Owen is trying to persuade the girl (who we learn was in a car crash that killed her husband – just after their wedding) not to jump, whilst telling her he’s dead. I would have jumped, to be honest!
With Owen promoted from making crap coffee, he sneaks into the old man’s grounds, past the heat sensors (he’s dead, remember!) and as an altercation with a security guard – despite Martha telling him not to because he can’t heal. It’s all very Scooby Doo, as he opens the creaking door to the old man’s bedroom. We learn that Henry is a collector of alien artefacts but is seriously ill. He believes that an alien device – the pulse, is keeping him alive. It isn’t and as Owen explains this, the senile old git has a heart attack and dies. Owen tries in vain to save him but realises his CPR isn’t any help – he can’t breathe!
Which brings me to believe that the writers have seriously dropped a bollock - how can Owen talk? If he’s dead and can’t breathe, how can he have a voice? I would love them to try and explain this one!
It’s a better effort than last weeks, the moments on the roof with the girl were very touching but I felt this new ‘bond’ between Owen and Tosh is very forced and the episode as an whole was just too simple. Martha also bows out of Torchwood and returns to UNIT. But not before giving Jack a very awkward kiss (why?) and leaving us with this thought: Apart from ‘Reset’ what was the point in using her? She was hardly in this episode!
6/10
Next Week: Gwen is getting married but what will be her ‘Something Borrowed’? A new groom perhaps?
Monday, 8 September 2008
Torchwood Series 2 Episode 7 - Dead Man Walking
After the highs of last week, we are once again brought back to earth with a big bump. After instigating the perfect exit for Owen, they had to spoil it by bringing him back to life.
But he isn’t alive, he’s dead but yet he’s walking about. Oooh this is confusing! Fair play to the director, Andy Goodard, for trying his best but he was let down by the pen of Matt Jones. It was a story that wasn’t needed and would have been better if they just cried over Owen for 45 minutes.
So with Owen dead, the team struggle to find out what’s going on. He can’t eat, drink or shag anything, not even Jack! It’s all very sad, the obligatory scary little girl pops up, Owen becomes the ‘King of the Weevils’ (which hasn’t got anything to do with his Weevil bite from series 1 – maybe!) then he fights the Grim Reaper. If this wasn’t shot in live action, I swear it’s a cartoon!
The acting, at times, is the programmes saving grace. Despite working with a ridiculous plot, Burn Gorman was terrific as the very unlikeable Owen and really deserves better than starring in this and a few episodes of Eastenders! Another aspect I do love about this story was the music, once again – take a bow Mr Murray Gold and his team!
It is really disappointing when they pull off a story like ‘Reset’ but follow it up with a very poor ‘sequel’. Don’t forget Martha was in this story too, although you wouldn’t have guessed. If there was an Olympic event for learning everything medical within a year, she would win platinum, never mind gold! Again, its one of many plot holes that I’m simply pissed off with and sick of ranting about it. She looks quite fit when she ‘aged’ though!
I’ve been asked ‘Why do I watch Torchwood, if I hate it?’ I don’t hate it, the writers are capable of pulling off some very good stories, and it’s a shame they have to fill the rest of the series with pointless, plot-dragging stories like this. Hope it gets better!
5/10
Next Week: Will Owen die? Will Jack have his wicked way with Martha? I don’t give a toss either way!
But he isn’t alive, he’s dead but yet he’s walking about. Oooh this is confusing! Fair play to the director, Andy Goodard, for trying his best but he was let down by the pen of Matt Jones. It was a story that wasn’t needed and would have been better if they just cried over Owen for 45 minutes.
So with Owen dead, the team struggle to find out what’s going on. He can’t eat, drink or shag anything, not even Jack! It’s all very sad, the obligatory scary little girl pops up, Owen becomes the ‘King of the Weevils’ (which hasn’t got anything to do with his Weevil bite from series 1 – maybe!) then he fights the Grim Reaper. If this wasn’t shot in live action, I swear it’s a cartoon!
The acting, at times, is the programmes saving grace. Despite working with a ridiculous plot, Burn Gorman was terrific as the very unlikeable Owen and really deserves better than starring in this and a few episodes of Eastenders! Another aspect I do love about this story was the music, once again – take a bow Mr Murray Gold and his team!
It is really disappointing when they pull off a story like ‘Reset’ but follow it up with a very poor ‘sequel’. Don’t forget Martha was in this story too, although you wouldn’t have guessed. If there was an Olympic event for learning everything medical within a year, she would win platinum, never mind gold! Again, its one of many plot holes that I’m simply pissed off with and sick of ranting about it. She looks quite fit when she ‘aged’ though!
I’ve been asked ‘Why do I watch Torchwood, if I hate it?’ I don’t hate it, the writers are capable of pulling off some very good stories, and it’s a shame they have to fill the rest of the series with pointless, plot-dragging stories like this. Hope it gets better!
5/10
Next Week: Will Owen die? Will Jack have his wicked way with Martha? I don’t give a toss either way!
Thursday, 4 September 2008
Free Audio Drama Download From BIG FINISH: UNIT - The Coup
Big Finish are kindly giving away free downloads of the UNIT story - The Coup, originally given away with Doctor Who Magazine 351. Starring Nicholas Courtney as Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart.
CAST: Nicholas Courtney, Siri O'Neal, Scott Andrews, Matthew Brehner, Sara Carver, Michael Hobbs, Joseph Lidster, Mark Wright
SYNOPSIS: London, the near future; UNIT is finished. The UK division of the United Nations Intelligence Taskforce prepares to cede its authority to a new organisation... But who is attempting to sabotage the hand-over?
AUTHOR: Simon Guerrier
DIRECTOR: Ian Farrington
SOUND DESIGN: David Darlington
MUSIC: David Darlington
COVER ART: Adrian Salmon
Download here. Right-click and select 'Save Target As'
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